What Are You Looking For?
by okapiangel
Summary: Penelo's thoughts lead to an eventual confrontation with Balthier. Be kind -- this is my first FXII fic. Usually I write FFX-2.


_**What Are You Looking For?**_

**Disclaimer/Author's Note:** Not mine. I'm a little unsure of how to write Balthier, so I hope I did ok. Just something that popped into my head while playing the game. Takes place after the destruction of the Leviathan. I'm not too sure about the ending, it feels like its done, but it reads like there should be more... Maybe I'm just over thinking it.

* * *

_Balthier: Hard to say. I'll know it when I find it. What is it you want, Vaan? What are you looking for?_

_ [The party starts to leave Vaan alone in the room, one at a time_

_Vaan: Me? What am I looking for? I guess – well, I – you know…_

* * *

They had been on their way to Jahara for the better part of three weeks now. It was longer than Ashe had wanted to be traveling, but Basch had quietly reminded her that their party grew stronger with each fiend they defeated. Ashe had conceded, recognizing that their mismatched group did need to be much stronger than they currently were – especially if they were going to journey to learn to use the nethicite and to challenge Archades. They didn't have to purposely slow their journey though, the rain on the plains had seen to that. For Penelo, trudging through the muddy lands had been bad enough, but then, when she noticed the distinct lack of caves, she realized she'd be sleeping on the damp ground as well. She'd taken to following behind everyone, usually trying to be directly behind Basch, as there was always a chance that he'd tramped down enough grass for her to walk on. The first few steps weren't so bad, but once the mud caked onto her shoes reached about three inches, her feet felt as though they weighed fifty pounds. This meant near constant stopping and wiping of mud on a rock or a patch of grass, and then running to catch up to the group, just to repeat the cycle within the next twenty minutes. And the rest of her party appeared to be having the same problem as well. There was one exception, however. Penelo had noticed the last time she'd managed to flick mud on her face that Fran appeared to be having no problems at all. Penelo wasn't sure how that was possible, especially given her footwear choice, but she envied the Viera nonetheless. She had though she'd come up with a brilliant solution the first time she'd removed the mud from her shoes with her spear, but the third time she'd done that, Basch had noticed. Then she found herself on the receiving end of a firm (yet quiet and strangely gentle) lecture about how misusing her weapon like that would eventually lead to its premature decaying. Or worse yet, she may be ambushed and run her spear through her foot. So, she was once more reduced to the never ending cycle of trudging through mud, removal of said mud, and eventual running to catch up with the party. 

The first time she'd seen some of the fiends on the Giza Plains, Penelo had gasped in shock. Of course, this meant that she'd been on the receiving end of a withering glance from Balthier (one she was believed she was not meant to see), a small smile from Fran (one she was sure she was not meant to see), and she'd been placed on the front lines for battling fiends (at least until she'd proved to Basch that she was merely startled and not afraid of the bizarre looking fiends. She'd discovered that Basch was a firm believer in facing and vanquishing one's fears. Granted, this was a good strategy, but it firmly clashed with the heroic efforts of Vaan, who, upon hearing her gasp, had been bound and determined to play her protector. But, she had told Basch she was stronger (implied_tougher_) than she looked, and she would not be made a liar of by some fiends. But that didn't mean she was unaffected by some of the fiends' presence -- particularly the hairy alligators. There was something that sent chills up her spine every time she saw one.

When they had reached the Ozmone Plain, Penelo had breathed a sigh of relief. There were no hairy alligators (at least they hadn't encountered one _yet_), and the rains had vanished. She knew Ashe hoped to make up some lost time here, but then they'd encountered the large dinosaur soldiers. She knew they had names, and that Basch – possibly even Vaan – must have known them, but she'd decided not to ask and remind everyone how inexperienced she was. So the fiends remained named as she felt best described them (hence "hairy alligators" and "dinosaur soldiers) . Instead, she battled, returning to her usual position on the outskirts of the fray acting as healer. The first time they'd encountered the large flying fiends however, Fran had loaned her the bow she kept as back up, and Penelo had found herself learning to handle a bow.

As they walked, she'd taken to observing the group, noting how different everyone was from each other. Ashe, she realized, was determined to learn to control the nethicite she carried, but Penelo wondered how much of that determination was fueled by her desire to restore Dalmasca, or by her detest of the Empire. Was there a separation of the two? She also wondered if Ashe's resolve was a product of years of training to put her country before her needs, or the need for revenge for the loss of both husband and father. She observed Basch as he observed Ashe, and allowed herself a smile for the knight. It was not lost on her that Ashe was the first he healed, and the first he covered during battle. How much of that was from his knightly obligations, and how much from his own personal desire to protect the princess? She'd seen him watching Ashe just a bit longer than he ought to, and she was fairly certain the handsome knight was indeed besotted with the princess – exactly as it ought to be in all the great stories. Somewhere along the way it had dawned on her that this was the creation of an epic tale that would be retold time and again. Sometimes she wondered if the blonde dancer would be remembered in the cast, and she silently chided herself for being so selfish.

Fran intrigued her. If the Viera had any emotional vestment in their journey, she kept it well hidden. Still, there was something in some of her comments to Balthier that caused her to wonder if perhaps the two sky pirates were involved for more than just the hopes of treasure. When she attempted to have a conversation with Fran, she quickly learned they were quiet, poignant and usually over before they had begun. But the Viera was always willing to tutor Penelo on her archery, and had complimented her as having a "good eye." As a result, Penelo had flushed with pride, and then immediately wanted to throw herself off a cliff once she'd caught sight of Balthier's smirk. As a Leading Man, Penelo felt Balthier could not be surpassed. He certainly pursued his role with vigor. Between bestowing his ill-placed affections on Ashe (and causing Basch to bristle!), and his arrogant quips (not an overboard of arrogance, merely enough to be attractive), he certainly was the dashing Leading Man he claimed to be. But, like Fran, Penelo felt there was more to him than he was letting on.

And Vaan, her partner in crime for as long as she could remember, was practically beside himself with glee. She smiled as she remembered him slashing fiends with his sword, and "protecting" her. Vaan had finally found his adventure. But lately he seemed down, almost lost. His resolve to play her protector was the result of him searching for something. And Penelo was certain she knew what he was searching for. She'd overheard the conversation between him and Balthier on the Leviathan, and she knew how much it had shaken Vaan.

And that was why Penelo was lying, awake, waiting for Balthier to ease into his shift of the watch, and for Ashe's breathing to signify that she'd fallen asleep.

She'd been waiting for nearly half an hour before she quietly moved towards the sky pirate. Usually she responded to his questions and comments, rarely initiating any interaction between the two. She'd been quite besotted with him when they first met, and though that was past, she felt he might have suspected. So interaction was to be avoided unless he initiated. This time was different though, and she sat next to him as he glanced over.

"Something is on your mind?"

Penelo nodded, "It's about what you told Vaan earlier – what you asked him actually. On the Leviathan."

"Ah – when I questioned our young hero as to his own desires for continuing on with this quest?"

"When you questioned his loyalty." There. She'd said it. It was all out in the open now.

Balthier remained quiet, and Penelo continued, "Why did you ask him that? He's searching for purpose now. He doesn't feel useful." She took another breath to calm her nerves, "Vaan… At home, he hated the Empire. He always wanted to figure out a way to fight against them. But, but he felt he was too weak to do anything."

Here Balthier nodded slowly as Penelo continued to speak, "Now he has a way to fight back. He has a way to take revenge for his brother's death. When he snuck into the palace that night, he wasn't looking for the nethicite – he was looking for treasure to return to the people of Rabanastre. He said you called him a thief."

"To me, he was a thief. Recall, my dear, I had no way of knowing who this urchin I had found in the palace treasury was."

"Well, it hurt him – you know? He won't admit it though. But, he moved on. And then, then you questioned his loyalty to our cause."

"I merely questioned his purpose for being here…"

"And consequently, his_ loyalty_. And his purpose. Question him about being a thief – now it's little more than banter to him. Question his maturity and his skill with a sword. But please, Balthier, do not question is motivations. These past two years have been nothing more than him trying to take back what the Empire took from him -- what it took from us all. And now he has a chance."

Balthier said nothing for awhile, then slowly responded, "I see…"

"I have one more question though…" When he looked at her, she continued, "Why didn't you question me? Out of all of us, I think I have the least purpose. I'm the tag-a-long. Why didn't you ask me what I was looking for?"

Balthier smiled at her, "Because, my dear, I assumed you knew."

--end

_reviews make me smile_


End file.
